By: Nancy Feth, Aug. 2007
 

Choose joy, begin with self… 

Ever stop to think, what does a healthy relationship look like?
 
It is connected, resilient, able to withstand challenges, and knows the experience of joy!
 
What’s your definition?

Imagine a place where you can truly be yourself and your energy is strong.  You are free to speak your mind, and are open to views of another. Regardless of circumstances, you show up fully present to life, knowing that whatever crosses your path will provide you with an opportunity to tap into strength to get through it.  When you need support for the journey, you are able to reach out and find the help you need.  Some days you retreat for refreshment and renewal, and on others a friend sheds light on your path.  Most importantly, you are free to be yourself and are comfortable in your own skin.  Healthy relationships begin with a genuine connection to self.

Relationship looks different to everyone, and its expression is unique. The ways we connect to ourselves can be as simple as sitting down during the day with a book, spending time in meditation, accepting the challenge of climbing a mountain or running a marathon.  The point is, joy comes when we take time to stop and connect to ourselves, in body, mind and spirit.  When we take time to fully experience ourselves, we come to see our own light and know the truth within us.  We experience an energetic connection and bring awareness to what we are doing and how we feel doing it.  As we take time to notice and check in with ourselves, stretch into new areas and make adjustments, we are “in the flow.”  We begin to know what we need, and how to claim it.  As Socrates said, “Know thyself.”  By doing this it becomes easier to know and be in relationship with others.
 
Expand to others…
 
Life is a dynamic process of growth, action and change.  Staying present and checking in gives us information now, and guidance for the journey ahead.  Within ourselves we have the answers. From this place of knowing, we are able to notice our connection to others and choose to be in conscious, intentional relationship.
 
Some relationships are provided to us, others we choose.  All are living breathing entities.  They have life and potential!   When we come together in community with a partner, family, social group or team we become part of a larger, interconnected, relationship system that has wisdom and energy.  How often do we spend time with a person or a group and notice parts of ourselves coming to light in completely new ways? We may be the peacemaker, initiator, planner, activist, or quiet one.  Aspects of ourselves are given permission to come alive and have expression. Other times we are triggered and may act completely out of character.  We are now part of a dynamic system, with additional roles and responsibilities, influencing and being influenced by each other.  As we interact, we are not only a voice for ourselves, but also a voice for the larger relationship system.  Our experience is both personal and universal.
 
Bring awareness and flourish…
 
Relationship systems have wisdom, energy, and the ability to self regulate. Just like our relationship with self, they are always in motion and changing.  With awareness and communication, they can flourish.  By revealing the relationship to itself and making conscious adjustments, it can thrive.  Awareness brings the ability to notice the experience of “being” in relationship, while having a sense of the larger relationship itself.  This is a place of evolution and expansion.
 
Imagine individuals spending time together, trusting the energy they create and intentionally working to build positivity between them.  Imagine healthy relationships that remain optimistic and respectful while differences of opinion exist.  Imagine finding creative ways to move forward and strengthen the relationship itself, knowing that individuals are part of something greater than themselves.  These are some of the dynamics of healthy relationship systems. The first step to create this is to envision it.
 
Try it on for size.  Think of a relationship that you are in with another person or a group of people.  Notice the functional dynamics…what roles does each person play?  When one person steps out of a role, notice how the “system” adjusts and compensates.  A child leaves for college, a parent goes back to work after being home full time with children, a person is promoted to a new role within an organization, times of transition.   In each situation, as one person moves or changes roles, the relationship and roles of other members shift. What is it like to consciously choose how to be with the changes versus simply falling into the status quo?
 
The challenge for all of us is to live with greater awareness of ourselves as individuals and partners in our relationships. To be in healthy relationship we acknowledge that we are living within a dynamic changing environment and embrace the joy and challenges that come within.  By noticing, communicating, and being conscious and intentional in our actions with each other, while listening for and working with the “voice of the system,” we can create healthy, sustainable relationships.
 
 
 
Nancy Feth is a Life and Business coach who empowers her clients to be agents of change in their personal and professional lives.  She coaches individuals, relationships and teams to embrace the joy and challenges of living consciously and intentionally.   781-829-5078
 
This article first appeared in the Fall 2007 issue of The Healthy Living Magazine in September 2007, the 5th Year Anniversary Issue.  For more information on The Healthy Living Magazine, visit www.TheHealthyLivingGuide.com